November 2, 2007
How my testicles caught fire
I hooked my scrotum up to an electrochemical cell containing deuterium oxide. Normally I don't like to have my nuts that close to anything consisting of a single proton combined with a single neutron and orbited by a single electron, but it was Halloween night and I really wanted my Captain Cornhole costume to have a mysterious, pulsating glow just below the utility belt. One of the electrodes in the cell was made of palladium and as the electrical current passed through it, the individual deuterium atoms were separated out, forcing them to pack tightly into the palladium cathode and..
BOOM!
Deuterium is a creepy little isotope and not to be trusted, but I must say that the resulting crotch fire burned brightly for almost three hours, which helped me win the "most original costume" contest and then become very popular as the marshmallows were being handed out.
It's the first time I've ever succeeded in whipping up a fresh batch of cold fusion in my shorts, and I've had difficulty duplicating the results, but the charred remains of my smoldering ball sack are a testament to the hope for alternative forms of energy, and any nosey bastard who's got any questions about my experiments can just reach his inquisitive little mitts into my smoky egg basket and check the friggin' data himself.
Now, where's my goddamn Nobel Prize, ya thievin' pricks?
copyright 2007 john bizarre
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