Genesis redux
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Then God said, "Let there be light!" and there was light.
Then Mrs. God said, "Why are all the lights in the house on? Open up the curtains and let some air in this place."
And God slumped in his chair and said nothing and went back to Dancing With The Stars while He drank His beer and silently wished Mrs. God would choke on Her egg salad sandwich.
And She did. And it was good.
Then God said, "Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters." But nobody knew what He was talking about so nothing really happened, except for some fish who looked at each other and said, "What the hell does He mean by that?" "I don't know, keep swimming, He'll go away."
Then God said, "Let the earth bring forth the living creature according to its kind: cattle and creeping thing and beast of the earth, each according to its kind.."
And the cattle said, "Woah, why do we need the creeping thing? How 'bout we skip the creeping thing, huh?"
And the creeping thing said, "Hey, that's not fair. I didn't bitch when He made you, ya fat bastard."
And the cattle said, "Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were here. Yeah..heh heh..I uh..well, it's just that you're so..creepy."
And God said, "Pipe down, ya thankless pricks! I can't think with all that racket."
And the creeping thing said, "Jeez, somebody woke up on the wrong side of the universe."
And God said, "I heard that!"
Then God created man in His own image, although He made him a little shorter and uglier and unable to keep his eyes open when he sneezes. Then God reached into man's side and pulled out a rib bone.
And man said, "Ow! Shit, what are you doing?"
And God said, "Watch this." And God turned man's rib into a big breasted female. Then man got total chub and said, "Hey, take some more of these ribs and let's make a fleet o' these broads!"
And God said, "Believe me, dude, one of these is enough."
And Mrs. God said, "I heard that!"
copyright 2007 john bizarre
