June 17, 2008
Letter to Rob Reiner
Dear Meat Head,
What the fuck is the matter with you? The Bucket List? How could you make such a shitty film? Dude, you made This Is Spinal Tap. You made When Harry Met Sally. You made Misery for the lovachrist! You made all these good films and then you take two of Hollywood's best actors and put them in the biggest waste of cinematic space since Wild Hogs?
How could you approve a script that has no conflict? What is the point of building a film around two characters who are about to die if you're not going to spend any time making me care about them? Why would you take the most important moment, the moment the entire film is building toward - a long overdue reunion of a father and his daughter - and then blow past it with a cheesy, twenty second montage that a first year film student would have been embarrassed to show, even in a blooper reel?
Dude, you have lost your abilities as a film maker. You need to give your DGA card back. You need to un-wedge your fat ass from that director's chair and waddle off the lot for good. Why don't you go back to being Meat Head? Yes, perhaps it's time for you to reprise your role as a smug, sanctimonious, unwashed commie whose gibberish only makes sense when set in opposition to a bigoted old pig who makes even less sense, or whatever that annoying show was supposed to be about.
How bad was The Bucket List? I would rather have an angry bull dyke shove a jagged catheter so far up my pee hole that it leaves bloody scars on the roof of my mouth than sit through that piece of shit again. This DVD isn't fit to scrape horse cum off a porn star's neck.
Awaiting the return of that ninety minutes you stole from my life, I remain
cheated,
John Bizarre
Copyright 2008 John Bizarre
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