May 14, 2008

I stumbled across this one while weeding through my entries from the past few years. I remember writing it after a series of auditions that Mookie Barker and I were doing for his feature, Under Budget. It still makes me smile.    

Bats out of Hell

Stroking my salt and pepper goatee, cocking my right eyebrow, gazing off into the ether and faking deep insight to cover up the insecurity of knowing that people were staring at me, I pulled the recycled paper cup to my lips and snorted out a barely audible hmmph as though I had reached a resigning conclusion to my private dilemma. Tragically full of shit and coked to the teeth on a quadruple shot Americano.

As soon as she arrived I would no longer look like a weird old dude fondling his weird old beard and pondering his weird old thoughts. I would suddenly transform into a distinguished gentleman, well-heeled but dressed down for discretion, probably a director or producer, clearly a "player", a man of taste and purpose who generously takes the occasional meeting over coffee with a hopeful, young actress whose personal story of struggle can barely compete with the blaring lust for fame that practically leaps out from between her buoyant, smiling, fake tits.

There she is. Gadzooks, what a rack on this one. Can’t imagine which stumbling block has prevented her climb to the crest of the Hollywood Hill but perhaps she could use a big fat, snarling Portuguese linguesa to snake up under her rump and give her a right and proper shove over the hump.

Now now, none of that. Leave the pig in its blanket. No sense in mucking up the dreams of another emotionally paralyzed pixy with a washed-out headshot. And stop stealing glimpses of her cleavage with that creepy, eye-darting form of sexual autism. Focus on that powdery auburn hair in a long bob cut curling up under her lanky jaw line, lifting the structure of her face like arches under the ceiling of a cathedral. Not sure what to call that color in her eyes. Pale green aluminum. Talks a lot. Clicks the nails of her thumb and ring finger when she’s thinking. Fakes spontaneity poorly.

Concentrate on what she’s saying. Can surely discover something of interest in all that clucking. Yes, there it is. Yes, as a matter of fact I do think that..um..uh huh...yes, well, OK, why don’t you just go ahead and finish my sentence incorrectly for me and keep on talking about shit you don’t know and I’ll just nod my head and smile and pretend.

Weak resume. Fashion Institute. Thought so. Failed at making art, now trying to become art. Still dancing in the garden by the swing set, princess? Oh my god, here’s a howler. Studied acting with the guy who played Jack Tripper’s best friend on Three’s Company. My, what a high water mark of thespian achievement you’ve referenced with that one, my dear. How can I ever say no to you now? Tell Ms. Redgrave we won’t be requiring her services for this film after all. I’m afraid her spot has been filled by the student of a late seventies, series regular who’s still dishing out the snappy banter even when he passes you with a bag of trash on his way down to the dumpster in this shitty North Hollywood apartment. Dude, you’re Ann B. Davis with hair gel and elf shoes. Must not burst into whoops of laughter. Might pass a stone. Generally considered impolite in mixed company.

Wow, are you still talking? Uh huh. Yeah. Mmm. Say "y’know" or "like" one more time so I can legally poke you in the eye with my wooden stirring stick, ya friggin' fuss pot. Uh huh. Boy, I bet you’ve told this story before, huh? Ho ho, that’s a hot one. My belly’s a burstin’. I may need a seltzer. What a terrific tale. Say, do you have a razor blade? My wrists require attention. Listen, I hope you will excuse me for a moment, mercifully, I am going to have to retire to the little boys room at this juncture to make piddle and I..what, oh yes, he he, piddle is a funny word, isn't it?, yes, and I suppose juncture is as well now that you mention it and..I..uh huh..yeah...right, well you just go on talking or take a look at the script or try balancing a butter knife inside the loops of your Uma Thurman/Pulp Fiction locks while I dash off to the head and search for a .38 taped behind the toilet so I can come back and blow your fucking brains out.

I stood at the urinal enjoying the gentle sound of my tinkling pee against the porcelain in an otherwise silent room. Sweet babbling baby Bono, how can young women keep talking like that without inhaling or stumbling upon the notion of actually putting a goddamn cork in it every once in a while? I wonder if the creator fully appreciated the grating tone of human voice boxes before he started handing them out so freely. Or, maybe he just thinks it’s a riot watching grown men crumble under the hurricane force winds of an unblinking, eager-to-please actress with a torrent of unrelated thoughts rushing past her lips like bats out of hell.

The idea of words in the shape of bats flying out of her mouth struck me as pretty funny right at the moment when another man walked into the bathroom to find me snickering at the piss pot with my meat in my hand. Heh heh, probably looks strange, I know, heh heh, pardon me, sir, lot of jokes tattooed on my dick, stumbled onto one I hadn’t read in a while. Singapore, 1992, fifty jokes tattooed on your dick for 50 bucks. Who could say no to that, you know? ‘Course it never occurred to me at the time that women might get a little squirrelly at the idea of having sex with a man who has fifty jokes tattooed on his dick. Yeah, makes no sense to me either. They all say they want a guy with a sense of humor, well, who has a better sense of humor than a guy with fifty jokes tattooed on his dick? Sounds like a great idea with half a bottle of rhino piss in your gut, I’ll tell ya. Too bad too. The jokes are written in really small print so that chicks would have to get in close to read ‘em and then, well, heh heh, you know, but yeah, like I say, sometimes I stumble onto one I haven’t read in a while and hey, have you heard the one about, hmm, I can’t quite read...what? Oh yeah, I’ll put it away, I just..um..OK, I’m gonna go now.

She was talking on her cell phone as I returned to the table. I made a few commonly understood hand motions that I hoped she would interpret as go ahead and finish your phone call while I pay the bill and wonder why the hell I didn’t just tell you to leave your info with my brand new plump and fuckable secretary Dottie, who always tastes like an Oreo cookie.

The cashier fumbled through her own mental mathematical minefield as I scowled at my reflection in the front window. There’s no way around it. Cynicism is an ugly but comfortable posture in a city of numbnuts.

"Sorry about that. My agent just got me an audition at CBS. What can I do to persuade you to give me a ride over the hill?"

"Hmm. Do you like jokes?"

Copyright 2006 John Bizarre

May 12, 2008

There is a universal truth that will unite us in a revolution against the central banks that have enslaved us. I'm just not sure yet which truth it will be.

The Project for the New American Century (PNAC) is a neoconservative think tank that began in 1997 with the goal of promoting American global leadership through the use of overwhelming military pressure, the primary focus being a redistribution of power in the Middle East. The PNAC's 2000 report entitled Rebuilding America's Defenses, developed by Dick Cheney, Paul Wolfowitz, Donald Rumsfeld and Scooter Libby, called for the establishment of a U.S.-directed global security system, and it further stated: "..the process of transformation, even if it brings revolutionary change, is likely to be a long one, absent some catastrophic and catalyzing event - like a new Pearl Harbor." 

Then, one year later, on September 11th, America experienced a new Pearl Harbor that enabled the authors of Rebuilding America's Defenses to launch two separate wars against a tactic - terrorism. The genius of establishing wars against a tactic is that they can never be won or lost; they can only be sustained, which is a process that makes two entities extremely wealthy: the central banks and the military industrial complex, the two entities that finance and supply arms to both sides of all wars. 

The constant threat of a tactic like terrorism is a brilliant approach to gaining control of a society. It supplies the justification for excessive security measures that muscle people into relinquishing their rights, it makes the inherently patriotic practice of distrusting government suddenly look unpatriotic, and it has the cumulative effect of wearing people down so that they tire of thinking about it and begin to look toward their dictatorial government as a father figure who they wish would just take care of everything so that they can get on with their lives of slavery.

Now, if it became known that the events of 9/11 were actually conducted by criminal elements within the U.S. government who had ties to the central banks and the military industrial complex, that would be a pretty good indication that the war on terror is an exercise in misdirection. I mean, if it came to light that the official White House story about the North American Aerospace Defense Command being completely dumbfounded for two straight hours while some rat in a cave in Afghanistan conducted the most finely crafted attack ever perpetrated against the United States turned out to be as ludicrous as it sounds...that would suggest someone else was responsible, somebody with the means, the will, the opportunity, and most important, the motive (money and power).  

You know, if you go to the FBI's 10 Most Wanted website you'll see Osama bin laden right there at the top of the list, but what you will also notice is that although he is wanted for many crimes, he is not wanted for anything having to do with 9/11. That's because the FBI has found no direct links between Osama bin laden and the events of September 11, 2001.

The universal truth that unites us in the battle to take back our government from the central banks may come from a deeper understanding of what actually happened that day. On page 172 of the 9/11 Commission Report there are two sentences that should outrage every American citizen: 

"To date, the U.S. government has not been able to determine the origin of the money used for the 9/11 attacks. Ultimately the question is of little significance."

Really. The trail of money that leads to the people who were actually responsible is of little significance. Uh huh. I wouldn't presume to speak for the families of all those Americans who were murdered that day, but I suspect at least some of them would say,

Fuck you.   

Copyright 2008 John Bizarre

May 10, 2008

The Cheney Administration loves to throw its presidential stooge in front of a microphone to condemn fascist regimes like North Korea, but what do we see happening right here in the United States of America?

Operation Sudden Impact.

Operation Sudden Impact is one of many like-minded programs being implemented across the country right now by the Department of Homeland Security. It is an exercise in random enforcement sweeps designed to train the FBI, the military, and local police officers how to take charge of a civilian population after a declaration of Martial Law. It's being sold as an anti-terrorism initiative but in reality it's a dry run to get you used to the idea that your unalienable rights are gone and it's time for you to start obeying orders.

Law-enforcement agencies in Mississippi, Arkansas and Tennessee have been conducting round ups, establishing checkpoints, seizing boats, busting through the doors of small businesses, and confiscating computers and paperwork in a police-state feeding frenzy.

All the data gathered during these dry runs are then stored in "fusion centers" for cross-referencing. Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff has recently stated in no uncertain terms that your DNA and your fingerprints are no longer considered personal information.

You are not innocent until proven guilty anymore. You are a terrorist until you can prove otherwise.

National Security Presidential Directive/NSPD51, signed exactly one year ago, declares that on the occasion of a "catastrophic event" (a term with a very loose definition) the President can take control over the government and the country, bypassing all other levels of government at the state, federal, local, territorial and tribal levels, and establish dictatorial power.

This is not an Orwell novel and it is not Germany in the 1930s. This is the United States of America in 2008.

The hammer is coming down soon and I beg you to please remember this: the American government gets its authority by way of the Constitution. If there is no Constitution it has no authority. Martial Law asserts that the Constitution has been suspended or eliminated, meaning that the one document that gave the government its authority is no longer valid. So once Martial Law is declared, all of your rights are being blatantly violated by a regime that does not represent the United States of America.

You are an American. Act like one.

The second American Revolution will begin just as the first one did: in defiance of government that denies liberty to its people.

Copyright 2008 John Bizarre

May 9, 2008

"Watcha readin'?

"Marmaduke."

"What's that?"

"Comic strip about a big dog."

"Like Clifford the Big Red Dog?"

"Not that big. Clifford is a mutant. He's the size of a house. And they never show you how big of a squeeze he leaves behind. I mean, if Clifford left one of his monster doodies on your front lawn you'd think there was a dinosaur in the neighborhood. Marmaduke is a Great Dane, I think. Larger than normal but not a mutant."

"Oh."

"It's single frame comic that usually derives its humor from Marmaduke's misinterpretations of human activities. Like today's strip where the kids are in the back yard filling their tiny inflatable pool with water as Marmaduke runs over with a surf board in his mouth, and the girl says, 'Sorry, Marm. Surf's not up.'"

"Stop it, my sides are hurting."

"I know, it's not that funny but it illustrates the mental complexity of all living creatures. See, Marmaduke is smart enough to know that people often use their surf boards when they are engaged in water-related activities, but he's also stupid enough to not know the difference between a vast ocean with crashing waves and a little rubber pool with couple of gallons of water in it."

"Uh huh."

"Ah, you don't get it."

"No, I get it. It's like the average American blaming recently ballooning food and fuel prices on just about anyone other than the real criminals - the Federal Reserve and congressional leaders who are deliberately lowering the value of the dollar in a futile attempt to pay off America's enormous debt with cheap money, at the expense of the American worker and the integrity of the American currency."    

"OK, you do get it...I think. See, you don't have to read the Wall Street Journal. You just have to read Marmaduke. Here's another one. The mom, the dad and the little girl are all at the dinner table eating and the girl is complaining, 'Julie says they get to have leftovers for dinner. How come we never get leftovers?' And Marmaduke is under the table quietly looking guilty. Get it?"

"Yeah, it's like at the end of the year when Americans notice that nothing has improved, and as they look at the balance sheet wondering where all the tax money went, congress is under the table quietly looking guilty."

"Exactly."

"OK, but isn't the Federal Government more like Clifford the Big Red Dog - a humongous mutant who leaves a dinosaur-sized shit on the front lawn?"

"No, that would be the corporate-owned media."

Copyright 2008 John Bizarre

May 6, 2008

Four months from now, in early September, I will post my final entry on this site. 

If you don't immediately wake the fuck up and get politically involved in taking back our great country from these treasonous liars who infest the Legislative Branch and the Executive Branch, this is the kind of country you are going to be living in: 

Thanks to the Real ID Act, you will no longer be able to get on an airplane without an RFID chip in your passport or driver's license. Soon you will not be able to travel from state to state without one. Then, over a relatively short period of time, all of your transactions (gas, food, shopping etc..) will require access to your chip. After the crash of the dollar, all money will become electronic and your bank account will be directly linked to your chip. You will be given lucrative incentives to have your chip actually implanted under your skin to make things easier and faster and cheaper. This is when you will become part of the machine. The moment you walk into any building, the chip readers will immediately know who you are, how much money you have in your bank account, what you have purchased recently, where you live, what you drive, what your medical history is, how much alcohol you buy, which potentially troublesome keywords come up from a quick look at your e-mail history, and all of this will determine how you are treated by the machine, how much everything will cost you, and which line you will have to stand in.

You will be cattle. And if you express any dissent about how things are run you will be considered a threat to security, and your chip will be turned off so that you won't be able to buy food or gas or anything else until you can be subdued. The only way you will be allowed to live is as an obedient cog in the machine.

Executive Order 10990 allows the government to take over and control all modes of transportation, meaning they can shut down any interstate movement at their discretion and remove your right to travel.

Executive Order 10995 allows the government to seize and control all communication media - television, radio, cell phone, fax machines, internet, all of it.

Executive Order 10998 allows the government to take over all food resources and farms.

Executive Order 11000 allows the government to mobilize citizens (against their will) into work brigades under government supervision.

A Presidential Executive Order, regardless of its constitutionality, becomes law simply by its publication in the Office of the Federal Register. Congress is completely bypassed.

The Republican Party and the Democratic Party have worked together for a long time to convince you that you have literally no choice but to vote for one of them. It's a filthy lie. But more important than that, you need to understand that regardless of what they say when they are positioning for your vote, THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU. Recently, over 400 members of congress voted to pass a bill allowing tele-marketers to call your cell phone, pitch their products to you, and then stick you with the price of the call. Now, do you think that there is even one citizen out there who thinks, "Yeah, I wish salesmen would call my private number, bug the shit out of me, and then charge the call to my phone bill." The 400 plus members of congress who voted for that piece of legislation were not thinking of their constituents at all. They were thinking about the persuasive packages being offered to them by the very powerful telecom industry.

THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOU. 

With the exception of Ron Paul, voting for a Democrat or a Republican this November will seal your fate as an obedient cog in the machine. 

Vote Libertarian.

Copyright 2008 John Bizarre

May 5, 2008

There is a reason the U.S. dollar is being deliberately devalued by the very institutions that are supposed to be protecting it: America is being weakened in preparation for a takeover.    

A horrifying incident is about to take place in this country, an incident that will probably be blamed on al-Qaeda or Iran. The incident will be followed by a series of events so frightening and disorienting that most people will voluntarily surrender their unalienable rights to the government in exchange for the illusion of security. It will be a catastrophic act of false flag terrorism. This will be followed by widespread power outages that will shut down, among other things, internet and cell phone usage. Since habeas corpus has already been suspended by the Military Commissions Act, imposing Martial Law will be little more than a formality and we will officially be living in a police state. 

It will all happen very quickly and be over before you know it, as though it had been carefully planned and executed.

If you are interested in who will be responsible for this overthrow of the United States of America, I can point you to a book and a documentary. The book is called The Creature from Jekyll Island, and if you CLICK HERE you can buy it from Amazon.com.

The documentary is Aaron Russo's America: Freedom to Fascism, and you can watch it for free on YouTube. It's been chopped into 11 separate five and ten minute installments, starting with this one - AMERICA: FREEDOM TO FASCISM (PART 1).

I don't know if we can stop the incident or the events that follow from happening, but we can begin to prepare our reaction to them by first identifying the enemy. Read the book, watch the documentary, and join me in the fight.

Time is short,

Sarah Connor

May 2, 2008

Questions reporters SHOULD be asking Barack Obama:

l) On your website you say that as president you would "increase investments in infrastructure, energy independence, education, and research and development." Specifically, how would you increase investments in these areas? How much money are you talking about for each area? Where will this money come from? Will that money come from new taxes or from taxes that are already being levied on the American people? If it's from taxes that are already being levied on the American people, what was that money being used for before? If we can do without those taxes now, why were we being taxed in the first place and what other taxes can we eliminate?

2) On your site you also say you will "work with the leaders of Canada and Mexico to fix NAFTA so that it works for American workers." Exactly how would you "fix" NAFTA so that it would work for American workers? Why do we need NAFTA in the first place when its primary function is to remove the American worker from the production chain and replace him with cheap foreign labor? Why should we fix something that destroys the middle class rather than dispose of it all together?

3) You say you "will establish a five-star rating system" to "address predatory credit card practices." Isn't this akin to seeing a man hammering nails into his foot and then suggesting that he use smaller nails to reduce the damage? Wouldn't it be more honest to admit to the American public that credit card companies are owned by the central banks that make up the unConstitutionally-created Federal Reserve system, and because the dollar is no longer backed by gold or silver, money is created by producing debt which is a process specifically designed to make central banks more wealthy and keep working people poor? 

My point, citizen, is not that Obama is any better or worse than Clinton or McCain. They are all highly skilled actors in a diversionary play written to keep you interested in empty dialogue so that you won't get curious and take a peek behind the curtain to see who is really calling the shots.

The only presidential candidate who speaks honestly and specifically about how our great country can return to a sound monetary policy, a prosperous economic policy, and a sane foreign policy is Ron Paul. 

Yes, Ron Paul is still running for president and if you care at all about the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and the Liberty that our founders fought so hard to establish, you will vote for him. 

I would like to remind you that Obama, Clinton and McCain all have Goldman Sachs, JPMorgan Chase&Co., Citigroup Inc., Lehman Brothers, and Morgan Stanley listed among their top twenty contributors. Why do you think these banking institutions would give millions of dollars to all three of these candidates? Exactly what kind of influence do you think that money will buy? Perhaps...keeping people from peeking behind the curtain?

I would also like to remind you that three of the top four contributors to Ron Paul's presidential campaign are the U.S. Air Force, the U.S. Army and the U.S. Navy, and all three of those branches of the military are well aware of the fact that his position on Iraq is, "on my first day as commander-in-chief, I will direct the Joint Chiefs of Staff and our commanders on the ground to devise and execute a plan to immediately withdraw our troops in the safest manner possible." 

Copyright 2008 John Bizarre

April 29, 2008

Dr. Marvis Dishup

Saint Clarence Hospital

Meridian, Idaho

Dear Dr. Dishup,

Your letter arrived in my mailbox this morning. In the future I would appreciate your sending any correspondence directly to my igloo rather than my mailbox. I live in Alaska, for the luvapete. Walking fifty yards out to a mailbox might not sound like much to you, but we have bears up here, bucko. Hungry bears. Horny ones too. That's right, we have bears who lurk around outside, hiding behind trees, smoking cigarettes, flipping through Field&Stream magazine and stroking their big furry bear cocks, just waiting for some sleepy old fart in jammies to wander out of his igloo, all groggy and vulnerable. How dare you put me in such jeopardy? Retrieving your blasted letters could cost me a purple ass, and I have no idea what kind of shoes to wear with a purple ass.

Anyway, thank you for sending me the lab results from my fertility test. I told you my little guys packed a wallop. Good thing you didn't stick your finger in that cup of my goo or you'd have a baby me growing under your nail. Try explaining that one to your friendly neighborhood glove salesman. You do have a friendly neighborhood glove salesman, don't you? Perhaps you should move to a friendlier neighborhood.

And even though I've had a vasectomy, I still think it was unnecessary for you to extract the sperm from my testicle with a needle. My buddy Urdo thinks you did it that way to get your rocks off, and I believe him because he has a thing on his neck and people with things on their necks don't lie. That's iron clad, you can look it up. Or you can just believe me 'cause I have a thing on my neck too.

Urdo also told me that if you peal an onion all the way to the center you will find a nodule that looks just like a hard, white clitoris. I don't know if that's true but I do know that the effort it takes to get close to either one of them always makes my eyes water.

By the way, I didn't appreciate the tone of your letter. It had sort of a quivering tone to it, like the distracted, eye-darting humming sound that Don Knotts would make if he were walking through a graveyard. I don't enjoy that tone. I prefer the tone of a zither being gently passed between a large pair of breasts. Maybe it's not a zither I'm thinking of. Either way, your letter-writing would be greatly improved with the addition of Don Knotts humming while his face is being gently passed between a large pair of breasts.

Nonetheless (well, perhaps a little less, although somethemore seems increasingly likely), if you think I'm paying this outrageous bill you are out of your gourd, and I suggest you get back in it immediately. A man of your reputation shouldn't be seen outside of his gourd. People will talk. They'll wonder why you have a gourd in the first place if you're going to spend all your time outside of it, charging exorbitant prices for testicular extractions and scaring the shit out of friendly neighborhood glove salesmen with your bulbous finger that needs to be burped after every meal. 

Frankly, I've had enough of your shenanigans so you can keep the rest of them until I start running low and require a few more. Shenanigans remain fresh for months if you store them at between 38 and 45 degrees.

Lucidly incomprehensible, I remain

impenetrably yours,

John Bizarre

Copyright 2008 John Bizarre

April 26, 2008

About a week ago, George Bush met with his Mexican and Canadian counterparts in New Orleans to expand the scope of the Security and Prosperity Partnership (see SPP.gov). This is an agreement between the three countries to form a union that will assume control of, among other things, security and trade decisions for the North American continent. This is exactly how the European Union was sold to the European public - as a way of increasing security and guaranteeing prosperity. Keep in mind that what soon followed was the termination of individual currencies and the creation of a single currency, the Euro. This was accompanied by the introduction of supranational bodies (The European Parliament, The Council of the European Union, etc..) that are able to make decisions without the approval of the countries they represent.

George Bush is committing the United States to an agreement that will dissolve the borders of our country, destroy our sovereignty as a nation, and abolish the Constitution. He is doing it without consulting any other branch of government or the American people. The Trans-Texas Corridor and the proposed NAFTA Super Highway that will run from Mexico up through Texas and eventually into Canada is being created without the approval of the American people or the landowners who will have their private property confiscated under eminent domain.

But George Bush is only a puppet of the real enemy. You and I and all of our fellow countrymen are under threat by the most powerful army on Earth, the most ruthless adversaries we will ever face. I'm not talking about Muslim fundamentalists. I'm talking about the central banks.

It is the central banks that own the corporations responsible for demolishing the middle class by sending manufacturing jobs to third world countries. It is the central banks that loan money to our government at a rate that it can never repay, placing it permanently in debt. It is the central banks that create money out of nothing and then infuse it into the economy, causing inflation by lowering the value of the dollar. And it is the central banks that caused the sub-prime mortgage disaster that once again exposed the fragile nature of a fiat money system that was built on a lie.

The American citizen's financial autonomy is deliberately being weakened.

Think about this for a moment: If the events of 9/11 were truly the result of foreign invaders infiltrating our country and completely dumbfounding our national defenses, why have our northern and southern borders been allowed to remain wide open for the last seven years? Why has the bureaucratic nightmare called the Department of Homeland Security done nothing to prevent foreign invaders from sneaking into our country, and instead focused on making ME feel like the terrorist by rifling through MY bags, and wire tapping MY phone, and making me take off MY shoes at the airport, and putting an RFID tracking device into MY new passport?  

The Patriot Act, the Military Commissions Act and HR 1955 were not designed to keep foreign invaders from infiltrating our country and committing acts of terrorism. They were designed to create new definitions of terrorism. HR 1955 in particular permits the government to reclassify political activities, such as civil disobedience, as domestic terrorism.

The message is clear: the government will soon no longer tolerate dissent.

The United States is being conquered by a totalitarian regime owned and operated by banking families who have an even larger agenda in mind.

"We are on the verge of a global transformation. All we need is the right major crisis and the nations will accept the New World Order."
- David Rockefeller

"Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the peacemakers for their lack of patriotism...It works the same in any country."
- Hermann Goering, leading member of the Nazi Party 

"Today, America would be outraged if U.N. troops entered Los Angeles to restore order. Tomorrow they will be grateful. This is especially true if they were told that there were an outside threat from beyond, whether real or promulgated, that threatened our very existence. It is then that all peoples of the world will plead to deliver them from this evil. The one thing every man fears is the unknown. When presented with this scenario, individual rights will be willingly relinquished for the guarantee of their well-being granted to them by the World Government."
- Henry Kissinger, Bilderberg Conference, 1991

April 24, 2008

An e-mail from a very funny man -

Dearest Friend John,

Fuck it, I'm bored.

Things You Never Hear:

1) "Please stop sucking my dick and hand me those tax forms."

2) "Hey Carl! Sorry about slapping your wife last night & stealing your car. I love you."

3) "Tina, did you say Nazi or cheese?"

4) "I'm so glad my toes finally fell off."

5) "It's so nice to finally move back to Bakersfield."

6) "Can you hold my testicle while I finish carving this beef log."

7) "You think your cancer's bad, you know how much this hair clip cost me?!"

8) "Hi. Please kill me."

9) "Hi. I'm about to kill you."

10) "I don't care if my baby's a boy or a girl, as long as it's gay."

11) "God I hate being filthy rich."

12) "I love being extremely poor."

13) "If I hear one more person tell me I look like Brad Pitt I'm gonna die."

14) "Hey Steve, tell my friends that funny story about when you fucked my wife behind my back!"

15) "Chicks really seem to dig my tiny dick."

16) "I love all my 9 ex-wives."

17) "Linda, sorry it took so long, here's the Chinese elbow clamp you ordered for your asshole."

18) "Linda, sorry it took so long, here's the Chinese asshole clamp you ordered for your elbow."

19) "I like cheese... a lot. Please keep drilling into my skull."

20) "Now that my pants are off, where's the quickest way to Cincinnati?"

21) "Yes officer, I HAVE been drinking - and YOU, my friend, look like an asshole."

22) "My spinal cord is a nuisance. I'm so glad I broke my back."

23) "President Bush is a genius. Thank God he was elected twice."

24) "Listen Ed, I know you're busy, but can you tell Theresa when she's done mopping the ceiling to boil the walrus feet."

25) "Fuk spel chek on mi computr."

26) "I love being a virgin at the age of 52."

27) "Oh shit, here comes that guy with free money again."

28) "Yes! Another flat tire!"

29) "No, no, no. I say we finish riding the gazelle, THEN we dig the ditch."

30) "Hold my sweater while I kick my grandma's ass."

Snacks That You Never See in a Store:

1) Chocolate Beef Cubes

2) Strawberry Jalapenos

3) Happy Fun Skin

4) Sour Octopus Chews

5) Sugar Scabs

6) Ol' Tyme MSG Chips

7) Salted Hair

8) Salted Air

9) Clamiees

10) Death Power Water

11) Decaffeinated Iranian Sweet Seeds

12) Todd's Original Sad Bits

13) Wheat Eggs

14) Powdered Dolphin

15) Mixed Grosbeak

16) Kneaded  Kosciusko  Kudu 

17) Spit Cheese

18) Waxed Happy Sand

19) Boiled Water

20) Maple Tea

21) Buttered Cilantro Shells

22) Dirt Clods

23) Cracked Smell

24) Free Beer

25) Uncle Jack's Original Twisted Chicken Milk Peanut Soup Nuts

26) Blood Jerky

27) Sour Salt Mints

28) Vodka Cereal

29) Trout Coffee

30) Paper Gum

Okay, I have to go to bed now.

Peace brother.

-Keith Dion

KEITH'S MYSPACE PAGE

April 21, 2008

"Who doesn't know by now that the cure for poverty is not charity in Calcutta. Who doesn't know that? Why did we suddenly decide to forget what we'd learned over the generations, that charity is an insult to the poor and a way of prolonging poverty, that Mother Theresa was not a friend of the poor, she was a friend of poverty, that there is only one cure for poverty, and that is, by the way, the liberation of women...which works every time, against which all religion has always set its face, and against which Mother Theresa spent a lifetime campaigning, to insure that misery and poverty and dirt and disease and ignorance would continue so that there would be ever more people to testify to the Catholic faith."

- Christopher Hitchens at the AAI '07 conference in Washington, D.C.

A common misconception about Mother Theresa is that she established hospitals in Calcutta. What she established were hospices. There is a big difference. A hospital provides a diagnosis and a treatment for your ailment. A hospice provides palliative care - relieving your suffering without dealing with the underlying causes of your ailment. A hospital is where you go for professional analysis and a cure. A hospice is where you go to die.

While Mother Theresa's heart may have been in the right place, her head was stuck in the destructive and immoral philosophies of a fairy-tale book about an invisible dictator in the sky who gave us the ability to reason, and then instructed us not to use it.

Mother Theresa had no interest in the liberation of women. In a 1981 press conference she said, "I think it is beautiful for the poor to accept their lot, to share it with the passion of Christ. I think the world is much helped by the suffering of the poor people." 

If those are the words of a saint, then sainthood is a dubious goal. Allow me to tell you about a group of people who are real heroes of the human race, people who deserve your undying admiration, people who are not content to simply offer a pillow and a blanket to those trapped in misery, people who risk their lives every day to help women fight their way out of poverty against all odds.

There are few places on Earth where women are treated worse than in Afghanistan. I've been there four times. Here's an example of how things work in Afghanistan: If I borrow money from you and can't pay it back in a manner you consider timely, or if I accidentally kill your goat by running over it with my cart, you can take me to a village elder for a decision on how this should be rectified, and that village elder can decide that to pay off my debt I can give you my 8 year-old daughter, and you can make her your new wife.

I would encourage you to sit with the barbarity of that for a moment.

It is not an exaggeration to say that women are treated worse than dogs in Afghanistan. Under the Taliban, women were denied the right to education, the right to work, the right to travel, the right to recreation, the right to health, the right to legal recourse, and the right to even be seen by anyone not in their immediate families. 

Although the United States and its allies removed much of the Taliban regime in the latter half of 2001, little has changed for Afghani women because religious fundamentalism and the misogyny that comes with it have remained firmly in place. In fact, many of the members of Hamid Karzai's government are former warlords who entertain social practices every bit as sadistic as the Taliban, and they are the same former warlords who Amnesty International has repeatedly charged with abducting and raping women and girls all through the 1990s.

Suicide is common among the women of Afghanistan who can no longer endure being repeatedly assaulted by the men in their lives, and the typical method of suicide for these women is self-immolation.

How horrifying must your life be when lighting yourself on fire sounds like the best option available for alleviating your pain? 

RAWA is a beacon of sanity in a fog of madness. It's an organization of people willing to risk their lives to help women and girls overcome the devastating fascism of a culture that denies them education, health care and legal representation, a culture that looks the other way in the face of rape, torture and murder. 

One of RAWA's most courageous efforts has been the creation of underground schools. They literally sneak teachers across the Pakistani/Afghani border and establish secret schools that teach women and girls how to read and write, how to take care of their bodies, how to fight religious fundamentalism, and how to understand the concepts of social equality, civic freedoms and human rights. 

Often, when these schools are discovered by religious fundamentalists, they are burned to the ground and the teachers are killed. But the fight goes on. In addition to providing education, RAWA also sends mobile health teams into the provinces of Afghanistan to treat women and children who would otherwise be denied any medical attention at all. They also provide financial help in the form of short term loans so that women can establish self-sufficiency with chicken farms, bee-keeping, carpet-weaving and tailoring.

Christopher Hitchens is correct when he asserts that the cure for poverty is the liberation of women, and that is exactly what RAWA is dedicated to. Unlike Mother Theresa, RAWA offers more than a warm place to lie down and die. It offers hope for a better life, a vision of how it could be, and a path to get there.

Sainthood is a silly, superstitious form of admiration, and the members of RAWA deserve better than that. They deserve your help.

Please click on the RAWA link at the top of this page and give what you can. 

Copyright 2008 John Bizarre

April 18, 2008

Dear Pope Benedict XVI,

What's up, ya nazi bastard? 

I'm kidding! I know I know, that was a long time ago and you were only 14 years old and you wanted to fit in with all the other goose-stepping Jew-haters. "Daddy, can I join the Hitler Youth and go on a Jew Hunt?" "OK, Joey, but don't get any blood on your lederhosen."

Anyway, I caught your homily at Nationals Park on Thursday. Booooooooooring! Dude, where did you study public speaking? What a snore-fest. Hey, why don't you watch some old Hitler speeches for some tips? Oh, he was an evil pig for sure but at least he knew how to captivate an audience. Move around a little, throw a stiff arm in the air once in a while, blame a particular religious or ethnic group for our economic woes. Pick it up, pappy.

I especially enjoyed when you got in our faces with this sentence: "One thinks of the injustices endured by the native American peoples and by those brought here forcibly from Africa as slaves."

Yes, one thinks of that, doesn't one? One certainly does. You know what else one thinks of? One thinks of how thousands of little boys around the world have been ass-fucked by scumbag priests who couldn't keep their dicks under their skirts. One also thinks of the Catholic Church finding out about these rapes and, rather than bringing the monsters to legal justice, embarking on a deliberate campaign to cover it up by shuffling them from parish to parish where, incidentally, new rapes would occur.

One thinks of that as well. When confronted with this horror, you have said, "No words of mine could describe the pain and harm inflicted by such abuse." Really? Why not try? Open up a dictionary and pick out a couple of words that might begin to describe the pain. Show me that you really care. Show me that you have taken the time to actually think about what each little boy must have gone through as the one man in his community who he thought he could trust was bending him over the altar and ripping open his shit hole.

Let some of that show in your eyes, because I'm not seeing it. All I see is the CEO of a dying cult concerned about his company's dwindling income.

The human race has had about enough of you Christians. The Inquisition, witch burning, sex with children...what the fuck is the matter with you people?

Go home and take your bullshit with you.

with love and affection,

John Bizarre   

Copyright 2008 John Bizarre

April 17, 2008

"Single acts of tyranny may be ascribed to the accidental opinion of the day, but a series of oppressions, begun at a distinguished period, unalterable through every change of ministers, too plainly prove a deliberate, systematic plan of reducing us to slavery."

- Thomas Jefferson

If you take the time to read through the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution you'll notice that one particular word is conspicuously absent from these documents: Democracy.

Our country was never intended to be a democracy. It was founded as a republic. The difference between a democracy and a republic is that a republic has a charter, and our charter is the Constitution. In a democracy, 51% of the population own the other 49%, meaning that 51% of the population can vote to take away your property and there is not a thing you can do about it.

A democracy is a form of government where the mob rules.

The United States of America is a republic, and in this republic 99% of the population can vote to take away your property but you still get to keep it because you have an unalienable right to your own property. Our founding fathers were not concerned with democracy, they were concerned with liberty, and there can be no liberty where the mob rules.

So if the United States of America is and always has been a republic, why do you think the Bush administration has spent the last seven and a half years driving home the message that the United States is a democracy, and that we are spreading democracy around the world, and that people are truly free when they live in a democracy?

Do you honestly believe that the president of the United States does not know he is the president of a republic? While I will grant you that George W. Bush would never be mistaken for an intellectual, it is foolish to assume he is unaware of his role. He's fully conscious of the fact that he is the president of a republic.

So why has he continually described the United States as a democracy?

Because it serves the larger purpose of his administration. If people believe that they live in a democracy they will no longer believe they deserve the rights afforded them by a republic. Think about the utter contempt the Bush administration has shown for the other two branches of government. Read through the Patriot Act and the Military Commissions Act and see them both for what they are - an outright assault on the Bill of Rights.

The larger purpose is to slowly dissolve the original idea of the United States of America, and then create a merger with Canada and Mexico (see SPP.gov). This is what the NAFTA Superhighway is all about. Your republic is being incrementally dismantled and repackaged as a corporation. Soon, you will no longer be a citizen with unalienable rights. You will be an employee with privileges, privileges that can be taken away at the whim of your new masters.

And it doesn't matter whether you vote for Obama, Clinton or McCain because if you go to votesmart.org and check out the top 20 contributors to each campaign you will find that all three candidates are owned by the same banking families who have been planning this incorporation of America for a long time, the same banking families who are deliberately destroying the value of the dollar in an effort to weaken the American citizen's ability to resist the coming storm. 

Vote Libertarian or prepare for a life of slavery.

"But I don't want to waste my vote."

Waste your vote? Allow me to once again quote Michael Badnarik - "If I give you a 50% chance of lethal injection, a 45% chance of electrocution, and a 5% chance of escape, which one are you going to choose?"

Copyright 2008 John Bizarre

April 14, 2008

Here's a story not getting much air time:

Somewhere along the border of France and Switzerland, about 300 feet underground, there is a 17-mile-long circular tunnel called the Large Hadron Collider which is an 8-billion dollar particle accelerator.

Scientists know that atomic nuclei are made up of things even smaller than protons and neutrons, and to help find out what those things are they like to send particles crashing into each other at about the speed of light, often generating energies more powerful than the sun.

This summer, scientists will begin smashing protons and lead ions together at 14 trillion volts, a process that may trigger the creation of a black hole that could swallow the Earth, our entire solar system, and any straggling stars nearby.

You'd think a story like that might make the news. Nah, why would it? If a false flag operation on September 11, 2001 staged by criminal elements within the U.S. government for the purposes of launching the most lucrative wars in world history never made the news, why would this?

Follow the money.

Anyway, one of the goals of the Large Hadron Collider is to locate the Higgs boson, a hypothetical elementary particle that could explain how matter is created by something that has no mass.

God. They're searching for God. More specifically, they're snooping around God's kitchen to discover his recipe for life. 

If they do create a black hole, they plan to drop a long rope into it and get the bravest scientist in the lab to shimmy down and take a look around.

In an interview at the European Organization for Nuclear Research, particle physicist Michelangelo L. Mangano said that while the discovery of the Higgs boson would be a monumental breakthrough, there is an even more important discovery to be made.

"We hope to find out why Keanu Reeves keeps getting work," he said. "Last year we proved that a melted cheese sandwich has more believability than Mr. Reeves does onscreen, but he continues to show up in films. We feel this may be a flaw in the subatomic structure of Hollywood and, by gum, we're going to find out how to fix it."

Copyright 2008 John Bizarre

April 10, 2008

Dear Senator Obama,

First of all, I need help getting Hillary off my back. She sends me an e-mail every single week begging for money. It's difficult to overstate how ludicrous this is. She and her husband pulled in 109 million dollars over the course of the last seven years, I'm driving an 11 year-old Honda Civic, and she's asking ME for money. What?

"Even as little as $5," she says, "can make a difference." Really. She's had over a hundred million dollars rolling through her personal checkbook in less than a decade and she needs my five bucks?

I actually printed out the e-mail so I could wipe my ass with it. 

Anyway, I know you have her cellphone number so do me a favor and tell her that anyone who gets in and out of a limousine every day and then has the temerity to ask me for five bucks can chomp my honkin' choad.

Second, since you and I are around the same age I was wondering if you could tell me what the hell happened to Aerosmith? How did a flesh-melting band of thunder gods turn into such a watered-down bowl of vagina soup? And what ever happened to that little blonde kid who played Oliver during the last season of the Brady Bunch? Do you think he turned out like Philip Seymore Hoffman in Boogie Nights, all porky and sloppy and gay? And remember that guy who played the bartender on The Love Boat and how he was the same guy who used to walk into the barbershop on That's My Momma and go "OooooWeeeeeee!" as he spun around and dished out the gossip of the day? And remember that gum with the liquid inside that would squirt out when you bit into it? Did you call it cum gum like we did? 

Third, I can't vote for you, man. I've read through your platform. It calls for monstrous taxation to create a buttload of new welfare-like programs that will further bloat the Federal government and accelerate inflation. This country is in serious financial trouble, and your solution seems to be, "OK, let's take out another loan to pay the interest on our first loan, even though that'll put us further into debt because we'll now have two loans to pay off, then we can take out a third loan to pay the interest on the first two." 

That's just fucking stupid. The way to save this country from financial ruin is to reduce the Federal government by 90%, abolish the Federal Reserve by returning Congress the right to coin money (Article 1, section 8), and most importantly, look the American people in the eyes and say, "We're all going to have to start pulling our own weight from now on. The definition of Liberty is not depend on your government to take care of everything for you. Grow up."      

But first and foremost, give Senator Bullshit my honkin' choad